Sunday, July 03, 2005

Beatdown's Guide to the Cars to Avoid:

Generally, there's 4 types of people who deserve a beatdown - Marketers who lie or assume their audience is dumb, people who shouldn't be driving, poor customer service personnel, and "general stupidity" which usually is a temporary lack of judgement or enlightenment.

Let's look at the second one, people who shouldn't be driving. These are the telltale signs you are about to encounter a person who deserves a beat down:

1. A minivan. Be especially afraid of older Dodge models with wood paneling and a penchant for NASCAR stickers.
2. A Toyota Camry. This is the "witless suburban dumbass wife with kids reading Redbook magazine" auto of choice.
3. Anything made by Saturn. They are sold to people who cannot or are not willing to negotiate, and therefore aren't too bright to begin with.
4. Any very large SUV with stickers promoting a grade school activity (i.e., the soccer ball sticker or "my kid's esteem is riding on this" bumper sticker).

Be very afraid if these above should intersect, for this creates an exponential effect. For example, the Saturn SUV is four times the problem of either a large SUV or a Saturn by itself, and you should slowly back off lest you are about to become a casualty of a cell phone call that startles the driver on a straight highway.

Remember kiddies, ignorance is expensive!