Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Voice mail sucks. If you call and leave me a voice mail with your name so muttered I can't make it out, you deserve a slap in the mouth--maybe that will make it work better. If you leave your number but rattle through it so quickly that your own mother couldn't make out your number, you deserve a slap in the side of the ear. But, if you do the previous two things, then call me later and say "I've been leaving voicemails for you all day, why don't you return my calls?" you deserve to be pummelled savagely with a telephone--I'm going to take the receiver, force it into your mouth, then rotate it so the width is expanding your mouth well beyond its normal proportions (you don't need your mouth--hell you don't know how to use it), then I'll wrap the cord around your neck go for broke. Maybe I'll shove the whole phone in your mouth and call!