Damn American Express website:

Our System is Not Responding

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While we are working to correct the problem, you can:

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Umm, yeah. Well, my check isn't responding. I'm working to correct my financial situation. I apoligize for YOUR inconvenience. I guess you'll just have to check with me later if you'd like me to pay my bill. And when you do, I'm going to crack my kid's soccer cleat on your noggin.' This site is down more than it's up when I try to use it.