Courtesy of Kevin this past weekend (heavily paraphrased by me):

"I work out at a gym where the owner takes the front parking spot every single day. The owner is a healthy guy--he owns the gym. The front parking spot is a handicapped spot."

Okay, never mind the beatdown of someone who works out at a gym and won't park far away. Heaven forbid one adds to the workout more than is necessary, but taking a handicapped spot? It's like a double-derivative two-times-two required beatdown to bring it close enough to counting for this buzzard.