Friday, September 30, 2005

A subtle shot of nice cologne or perfume is fine. But when it's slathered on in layers so deep that the person leaves a wake behind them--a stank that, if visible, would appear as if it was a comet streaking through the building, it's got to go. Let's also mention the 13 year old boy who actually believe the Axe ads and layers on the "body spray." Dude, it's not called the Axe effect because women want to jump your bones, it's called the Axe effect because everyone around you wants to chop your stinking carcass into little pieces and throw you in the nearest river. One spray--that's it, that's all it takes. If you are so "used" to the smell, ask your significant other if it's too much. And Lord help us if you wear the same sweater everyday, honey, after you hit yourself with another of Elizabeth Taylor's Stank Diamonds, because eventually that sweater is so strong that we can identify your location by smell. Anyone who layers on that much cologne or perfume deserves to be drug out into the street, hosed down with a volunteer fireman's afternoon training session worth of water, and beaten until their nose returns to normal function.