Thursday, July 28, 2005

It's fairly rare that we actually learn the name of someone in deserve of a beatdown. Usually it's that anonymous moron who cannot park, has cut you off in traffic, or brought you a salad with bacon when you clearly stated that you didn't want bacon. There is an exception to every rule, however, and this exceptional moron wanders mindlessley until it reaches the checkout point-of-sale signature pad in use at many grocery, department, and electronics stores. Never mind the fact that these devices digitally capture my signature so badly it appears as if I signed while skydiving after consuming 6 Bacardi-Cokes while winning a triathalon. Nope, what I mean is there's always some dippy clodhopper who, despite apparently learning to read and write, doesn't pay attention to the pad when it says "sign using stylus" and then proceeds to whip out the ol' ball-point and slap the John Handcock right there on the machine in permanent ink. Then I get to come up when I checkout, and before I pay for my stuff, I think " appears that Geraldine Johnson really needs to be masticated with a Cuisinart." It's like they really want me to know who they are!

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