Here's a second great submission from Gary:

The “Cell Phone” slammer:

I actually got in an accident once when the driver behind me was too busy blabbing on the cell phone to notice that traffic had stopped until it was too late. I was treated to watching her in my rearview mirror barreling down on me as I braced myself for the collision. Too bad I couldn’t enjoy the absolute terror and panic in her eyes during the split second when she too late realized that all vehicles except hers were stopped. Smash! Thank you, you twit. No doubt her conversation was about something hugely important, like national security, or corporate takeovers or something like that. At least she could use her beloved cell phone to call 911 so that our vehicles could be separated. Beatdown with an old 10 pound satellite phone coming up.