Sunday, October 23, 2005

Okay, this one happens every-so-often to me while driving and it absolutely sends me through the windshield every time (as in, to choke the life out of the driver in front of me, not as in an accident). Here's the scenario--you're travelling up a road that is 2 lanes in one direction, and 2 lanes in the other direction. Separated by those is a shared turning lane--the one you pull into if you are going to make a left hand turn. Inevitably, some boob decides to turn this into a merge lane, because he's got to get out into traffic with you. It just so happens I caught one of these chowderheads while driving home from work this past Friday.

Here he is, in the left turn lane, travelling down it as if it's another traffic lane, like he's been annointed by the King of Spain to now use it as if there was a third lane on this road:

Now, after driving this way for a while he signals (yes, he signals, as if he's a law-abiding citizen who is driving with all the rights and privileges of someone with an I.Q. greater than 40), and then pulls into the lane in front of me. Then, of course, for no real good reason other than to further disrupt the flow of traffic, Mr. Duh-Duh hit's his brakes:

Words can almost not describe the flogging this moron deserves. First, I'd yank him through the window of his SUV, carefully remembering to not actually open it first. After the shards of glass overtake his face, I'd slam him down onto the pavement, then commence to removing my shoes for the complete bastardization of his fingers and knees. Then, I'd drag his face up and down the center lane and repeatedly ask him "are you turning left, listen to me you jackass, ARE YOU TURNING LEFT?!??"