Monday, July 18, 2005

The ultimate in sloth can be found at the neighborhood department store or grocer. It's in the parking lot-the illustration of this extreme laziness is the shopping cart. Every large store in the United States has a nice area designated for the return of carts. These areas appeared years ago when stores finally started letting you use the cart to get your stuff to your car. However, toodle through any lot at any Target, Walmart, Albertson's, etc, and you're bound to find someone who has been what I will now dub as a "slacktard." The slacktard is the person who somehow managed to muster up the physical strength to push the cart around the megamart and purchase an entire cartload of Fritos, Mello Yello, Twinkies, and deep fried pork rinds, yet somehow is so tired when he gets this stuff to the car that the cart never makes it farther than the front of his parking space. Hello, Doofus McInsensitive, can you pu-leeeze push the cart over to the corral so I don't have to hit it with my car when I park? You deserve to be choked by your own fat snacks, you jelly-belly brush ape.